Such a good podcast 🔥🔥 if you are considering listening, just do it!! Wish my wife and I found it sooner it took us years to learn to figure out some of the topics they tackle. Even though we weren’t having issues in our sex life and our conversation has always been open, it is WAY better now then ever!!! Vanessa you are killin it!! Xander, sorry you are not a regular dude any more. You are a best selling author. The book is amazing too. Go buy it!!

My husband and I have been in a major slump since some big life changes happened. I feel our marriage slowly being restored as we listen to these together. Some of the episodes have made us crack up laughing or had us pause episodes to talk about certain topics. Thank you for talking about the real life relationship stuff and always taking one for the team on your smash or pass episodes. -Amy and Joe in Washington

I am absolutely loving this show. I’ve enjoyed the content on social media for years but just started listening to the show a week before my vasectomy. Xander’s honesty made me feel way more comfortable before the procedure, but now I’m tuning in because the other episodes are the perfect blend of hilarious with honest tips for healthy communication. I’m loving how listening has already helped me navigate a few hard conversations with my wife, and I’m hoping that this review serves as the push for another hetero-normative dude to listen in so they can gain these tools to improve their intimacy. Thanks for all you two (and the team!) are doing!

I just discovered this podcast and so fare I like their approach and topics.

I found this podcast six months or so ago and I have learned so much. The biggest thing for me is it helped me to understand I needed to communicate more with my spouse. This may should strange but I even shared the post-cast with my daughter who expressed some concerns in her relationship with my wife. I am sending her an episode that really helped me. Thanks for giving me facts and ideas to help open communication.

My husband and I have been together for 16 years & have 2 young children. Pillow Talks is a weekly conversation starter for us that always leads to us feeling more connected. It's been so great to open up the conversation around all things sex and relationships. We are more connected and open with each other than we have ever been in our relationship. We owe it to Vanessa & Xander! The content they share on the Podcast & their Instagram page is unmatched. We have also purchased several courses and have utilized their free guides. Thank you for all that you do! 😍🍑🍆🤩💦

I just recently found this podcast and have found myself devouring every episode. As new parents my husband and I have been struggling with prioritizing us. With the guidance of Vanessa and Xander we’re able to start taking steps towards prioritizing our relationship again!

It’s always a happy day when a new episode of Pillow Talks is dropped on my feed! Vanessa being an experienced sex therapist and Xander a “regular dude” make for a perfect combination. They’re approachable, honest, and funny. I’ve picked up so many great tips that I can share with my partner. I’ve struggled with initiation and confidence for years and it’s slowly melting away thanks to Vanessa and Xander. I highly recommend this podcast whether you feel like you need serious help in the bedroom, are looking to spice things up, or are just curious about sexuality. They knock it out of the park every single time!

I love this podcast and listen every week. I found Vanessa and Xander on Instagram a couple years ago and I've loved their content ever since. In the last month I have binged all the previous episodes and introduced my partner to it as well. Now we often have discussions about topics we would have otherwise never discussed. We are working our way through Sex Talks and the workbook together and have bought a couple other courses as well. It has been a game-changer for our relationship to learn and grow together. We love the representation and hope to see even more content geared towards the LGBTQIA+ community. I recommend this podcast to anyone looking to grow personally or in their relationship. As I stated in the title... amazing amazing amazing!!!

I’m finally finishing the pod episode about you two being child free. My husband and I are 30 and have felt sooo many of the things you both expressed in this episode. It really helped validate my feelings, thank you both so much. We are still unsure and don’t really know when or if we’ll “know,” but it’s so nice to know we’re not alone. Thank you❤️

Vanessa and Xander make this taboo topic much more approachable and less awkward, and have made me more comfortable thinking and talking about sex. They have such funny banter, and I always take at least one thing (usually a lot more) away from each podcast.

Newer listener & am loving every episode! My husband and I have a great marriage and sex life but am always looking to spice it up! Can’t wait for my next road trip with my husband to listen to an episode with him!!

I’m so glad you went on armchair expert! My husband and I are using your podcast as conversation starters. We’ve been finding episodes we like, listening separately, and then discussing afterwards. It’s gives us a calm way to problem solve without being in the heat of the moment! We enjoy the realistic takes and advice!

I first heard Vanessa on armchair expert and I was so intrigued by her approach I had to check this podcast out. The first one I listened to was “we tried your craziest sex tips” and nearly spit out my soup listening to Vanessa describe her experience with the 360 (if you know you know). I fell in love with your honesty and laughter over sex. My husband and I are former purity cult(ure) disciples and we’ve been having better and more frequent sex than ever after listening to your pod. After 14 years and counting of marriage, we’re the most comfortable we ever been talking about our likes and dislikes in the bedroom and thinking what the heck took so long. We are so grateful for you and I would recommend this podcast (and do) to anyone with a sex drive! There’s something here for everyone. Thank you!

I love the advice from this couple. They normalize talking about sex in an honest way

I heard Vanessa on We Can Do Hard Things, and immediately bought Sex Talks. Loved it! I started listening to the pod too and have found a lot of useful communication tips. 🎩 Have yall thought about creating an app with your content (podcasts, courses for purchase) on it? A free version with just the pod and a subscription version with the content? It’d be super 🆒

I grew up in the Catholic Church during the height of purity culture in the early 2000s. Unfortunately, this created a ton of fear & anxiety around sex & relationships for me. I have been out of the church for nearly a decade, and I have finally decided at 33 that enough is enough. I’m beginning to finally explore my sexuality & using this podcast as a kind of exposure therapy. I’m already feeling more comfortable. Thanks Vanessa & Xander for the work you do!

Vanessa and Xander discuss their topics from a very approachable perspective and cover many perspectives. They knock it out of the park every time. My husband, who is not a listener (I’m working on it) knows about everything I hear from Pillow Talks because I bring it up so much. This podcast creates meaningful conversations that help us learn and grow as a couple, and their courses are phenomenal! The initiation course will save your life, promise! I am a counselor in training, so this podcast provides insights on multiple levels. I also admire how they set boundaries with their audience, this is such a good way to model healthy practices! Thank you both for discussing much needed topics while keeping it real and sharing your expertise with us! 🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇🎇

My husband and I have been together for over 30 years and V&X have definitely improved both our sex lives and communication. We have 2 daughters 21 and 23 and have shared your podcast with them and given them your book. They were tentative at first thinking there is no way they could possibly listen to something that we recommend (especially about sex). However, after one rough patch our daughter had with her boyfriend I sent her several of your episodes to help. She reported back that she loved the podcast and thought it was funny and very helpful. Now they are sharing with their friends! Keep the podcasts coming, we love them all! ❤️🫵🏼💋💃🕺🏻💦🌶️🍆🌮🍾

Podcast Episode #143 was a decent listen but I feel like the subject of body confidence (or lack there of) and how it impacts your partner’s attractiveness and how it correlates with sex was a huge missed opportunity. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and I’ve gained about 60 lbs over the course of those 5 years. It’s been a gradual gain and I know he isn’t as attracted to me, just as much as I’m not happy with my physical appearance, either. I’m making strides to live a healthier life and getting back to being consistently active. Depression, anxiety, and lack of intentionality on my end has played a big part. Please know, he’s never body shamed me or made any negative comments but we recently had a transparent conversation about our sex life and relationship as a whole. I want more sex, in spite of my insecurities but he isn’t as attracted and my current body isn’t a turn on for him. I completely understand where he’s coming from and I want to look good for myself first, but also him. We love each other and we still have intimate times but it’s few and far between. I can understand where he’s coming from but I’m curious if you have any thoughts on that topic? I’m sure I’m not the only who has been in this position. Thanks!

I followed Vanessa and Xander on IG for years before listening to their podcast and I wish I had started earlier. I’ve made my way sorting through the episode list and listening to ones with topics that I’ve been curious on but never wanted in my google search history and ones that I thought would make me laugh…and they literally do make me laugh out loud! As a woman it has given me such validation that I’m not broken. I’m still trying to find ways to have some of these conversations with my partner and get him to listen too. But even just listening on my own I have been able to have better O’s because I’m more relaxed and not afraid of “needing more time” or feeling like I shouldn’t have to touch myself during intercourse to get there. And I’ve gained confidence to try new things and mix it up in bed. Last night I put on a sexy outfit and the look on his face and the amazing sex we had were worth the nervousness of trying something new. 10/10 would recommend…the lingerie AND this podcast.

I recently stumbled on this podcast through another podcast that I listen to. It came at such a perfect time in life. I have begun a new relationship with a very robust sex life. That is very different from my previous very long term relationship and has been hard to balance and make sense of. V+X help it all make sense and find new ways to explore this dynamic! My new partner and I listen together weekly and go back through the catalog and listen to old episodes. I can’t recommend this podcast enough. Thank you V+X!

Enjoying listening to what these two have to share. Always something to take away from the cast that I can use. Appreciate the hard work from you both!

I love this show so much! A much needed realistic look into relationships, sex lives and so much more.

I found Vanessa on girls gotta eat podcast Her and Xander are absolutely wonder together I’m 47 years old woman who had no sex ed besides 6 th grade health class same for my husband After 25 years of marriage you both have given us the tools and words to turn around 180 degrees our sex life Love love

My wife and I starting listening a year ago, after “graduating” from sex therapy. We get as much, if not more, from Vanessa and Xander, as we got from in person therapy. The topics are always great, but we get the most from listening to two people that we respect, talking frankly about their sex life. It is inspiring and liberating for us, and our sex life is reinvigorated after 17 years of marriage.

This episode was amazing. I’m 61 and on my second chapter. I was raised in an era when all women were supposed to look like Twiggy (anyone remember her?). My friends all talk about their weight and feel comfortable commenting on mine - especially when I’ve lost a few pounds to support that idea that thinner is better. After a mostly sexless marriage of 25 years, I was very fearful to be intimate again. Most of that had to do with being naked in front of a man. Thankfully, I found a partner who not only is amazing, but honors my body in a way that makes every lump and bump and sag feel sexy. He says I am his canvas to explore. At an age when not much about me looks all that sexy to me, I have found that body confidence I have needed and craved for most of my life that allows me to have a fun and adventurous sex life. Ladies, listen carefully to this episode and take note. I don’t think this information would have changed the fate of my marriage, but it might have made the little bit of sex we had a whole lot more pleasant and made me less fearful about my second chapter!! Thank you Pillow Talks for this amazing episode!! 😘😘😘

Love all of their work! They are vulnerable and relatable and Vanessa is the first person who helped me with any questions I’ve had about sexuality. I am now a pelvic health PT and refer so many of my patients to tune in, read the book, follow on Instagram. Quality content!!!

Wife and I have a great line of communication but this podcast has done nothing but improve us. Whether relationship or bedroom advice, it has helped us to come closer together while increasing intimacy in the bedroom. If you like this podcast, you need to read their book, Sex Talks, and complete the workbooks with your partner. We’re just past the halfway point of the book and have come together and learned so much more about each other, even after 20+ years of dating and marriage.

I recently found your podcast and have been bingeing episodes. And I bought the “Sweet or Spicy” program for Valentine's Day to share with my husband of 20 years. When we did the first Connection Challenge, the question was [SPOILER ALERT] “what is a recent thing I did that made you feel loved?” And my husband’s answer was: “you got this challenge thing for us.” ❤️❤️. Listening to you guys feels like taking to two friends, and has revived my connection with my husband. THANK YOU!

These two are great!! Such helpful and real advice!

Listened to Vanessa on Armchair podcast and was very intrigued by the information she shared. Have now listened to several Pillow Talks episodes and has greatly increased my confidence in the bedroom to ask for what I want. This has lead to open conversations with my husband of 15 years and more enjoyment together (both sexual and non-sexual). Thank you for sharing with the world!

Vanessa and Xander’s podcast offers great advice about sex, but also offers great advice about relationships in general! Would recommend!

I stumbled across this podcast after V was on Armchair expert and now pillow talks is one of the only podcasts that I listen to! V and X are both super fun and really bring a new perspective to everything they talk about. On a AITA episode my initial reaction to each situation was that the other person was TA and after hearing their opinion it really made me realize how important it is to set clear boundaries and communicate very clearly and directly. Thanks for all you do!

This podcast has been life changing! Right after my 30th birthday I finally decided it was time to invest in myself and figure out how to have an orgasm for the first time. I had been following you on Instagram and finally decided to buy a guide. I look forward to listening to your podcast each week! I use to be so clueless and uncomfortable talking about sex but now I’m not! Thanks for all of the amazing advice and resources your continuously make! Also happy 40th birthday V, we’re birthdays twins!! 💜💜

Started listening after armchair expert. I have only listened to 3 episodes so far but I am seeing big impact on the connection between my partner and I. Small changes make big impact. Thank you.

I am so glad I found this podcast. The banter between Vanessa and Xander keeps the podcast light and easy to listen to while covering sensitive topics. I have learned that I am more normal than I thought and this has lifted a lot of shame from my shoulders. This podcast teaches you a ton about intimacy, as well as communication. How have I managed all these years without Vanessa and Xander?

I stumbled upon Vanessa after loving her amazing guest spot on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. I immediately bought the book and did the connection challenge with my gf. The book was great and inclusive enough and the connection challenge was so sweet, though the Love Languages was the only activity that we skipped (the creator is an unlicensed, very homophobic bible counselor & his content has a lot of misogynistic undertones). I’m sad that the podcast isn’t as welcoming or relevant for me as a queer woman who partners with women, especially after finding it through the pod squad. There’s a ton of content centering the cis male experience in cishet relationships and how women are affected by male partners, with sparse mention of how masculinity/femininity and gender roles can apply to other types of partnerships. Would have loved to hear about compulsory heterosexuality, the orgasm gap, queer people partnered with straight people while still honoring their identities, and other topics that affect both queer folks and cishet folks. Vanessa is herself queer so I guess I expected more reflection & inclusion when sharing her perspective- but I totally get that queer identity is a moving target & no one is owed your story. Some of the episodes are hit for all (I particularly enjoyed the sex personality types or communication focused episodes) but some are a big miss for queer people, especially queer women. I’ll always be a fan and supporter, but the pod as it is currently doesn’t seem to be a reliably good fit for queer folks.

Your podcast and Instagram has been so instrumental in boosting my and my husbands sex drive. The FF philosophy has been life changing. Thank you!!

I bought your book a while ago to help with my relationship. The topics that y’all cover are amazing. I would love to see y’all cover the topic of watching porn when it comes to a relationship. The good and the bad about it.

I’ve been listening to Pillow Talks for some time and following on instagram. I love the insight, expertise and humor. But today I listened to the Sex and Grief episode after our dog of 15 years passed away. My husband and I are empty nesters, married almost 30 years and the hole that her passing left in our hearts was unbearable. Listening to the episode on your experience gave me comfort and helped me validate my feelings. Some people say “ it was just a dog “ but to us she was family and Vanessa and Xander’s experience of emotions with losing Winston helped me give myself grace during this time. Thank you for your podcast and especially for that episode when I needed it most.

Taboo smashing with humor & empathy!

I just recently discovered the pod after Vanessa was on Armchair Expert. I love V and M! They’re making sex and relationships issues approachable. Plus, they have really soothing voices ha!

Thank you so much for the work that you do! And I love that you are doing it together. I am in my 50s and divorced from my adult children’s father. My ex husband and I had an intimate life characterized by him body shaming me and expecting sex whenever he wanted it - and if I refused, his quiet passive aggressive anger about not getting what he deserved permeated the rest of our relationship. My ex couldn’t accept feedback mostly because a belief that I shouldn’t have needs. I was so lonely for many years in that relationship. Fast forward to now when I have worked hard with a therapist around healing and self awareness for several years - and also have a wonderful, caring partner who I trust and feel safe with. We are both committed to communicating clearly on all subjects including our intimate life together. Your book and podcasts have been great support for that!! Thank you!!

I have only been listening for a short period of time but it’s crazy how a lot of what I’m hearing and reading Xander & Venessa say is true or relatable! I also just love how the podcast is so real with all the emotions and feels it doesn’t feel like it’s scripted & it’s just natural! 😊 can’t wait for the hardcover to arrive so I can read it :) thank you guys for what you do and share with us!!

Came across this podcast today and I’ve been listening to random episodes for the past 6 hours while working from home! Cant wait to keep listening and learning more 🤗 Also Vanessa has THE BEST laugh!

I found you when a business tagged you and i’m so glad I did. My husband and I have been picking one we want to listen to and listening to parts of it every night together each week. We are able to talk about things that maybe wouldn’t come up without this podcast. Difficult/weird convos lead to better sex!!

This podcast has made me laugh, think deeply, then start laughing all over again. Xander and Vanessa tackle hard topics with all seriousness and a good dose of funny that make my day brighter when I listen to a new episode. I am soon to be married (in just 3 months) and this podcast has hugely helped me think of things to talk with my fiance about, especially sexual expectations. Any engaged couple getting ready to be married, I recommend this podcast to start learning everything you need to know! Thanks guys and keep up the good work 😁

This podcast is a must for anyone looking for tools to have a healthier relationship. And it’s about sex soooo need I say more? It’s a must listen!!

Recently I was listening to armchair expert with Dax Shepard and Monica Padman and Vanessa was a guest I immediately fell in love with her energy and decided to check out pillow talks! I love this podcast and it has helped me and my spouses sex life so much! Thank you pillow talks!