Pillow Talks


Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

Recent Episodes
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Recent Reviews
  • Tgross14
    My review
    I listen to pillow talk every week plus I also follow them on social media They put out ( no pun intended) such good information and it really makes me think
  • PeteShey
    Amazing, fun advice!
    It’s always nice to listen to advice to improve a relationship. Even though my marriage is great, I am always looking to grow and be the best version of me for my spouse. This podcast does the trick. V and X are so honest and take a lot of perspectives into their conversations. It’s not just great for sex either! It’s helpful for every part of a relationship. I follow them on Instagram and they are just as great there! Definitely worth the listen!
  • Sjlife
    Always trying to grow
    I’ve been listening to a wide variety of podcasts that surround the topics of personal development, and the psychology surrounding relationships; specifically maintaining and strengthening the bonds between partners and the dynamics of their intimacy. This particular podcast has been very interesting and insightful, as well as very approachable. I encourage people to give them a try and see what they have to say, as it may be applicable to your own dynamics.
  • Happy Spouses
    Keep listening!
    I found these two when Vanessa was a guest on another podcast. I immediately went to follow and caught up on past episodes. You two I’ve shared and implemented little things a long the way. After having opposite schedules for years we’ve been having a hard time reconnecting. I decided to take advantage of the connection challenge and here’s my review That’s ok. I’m loving the connection challenge! Here’s a message I sent to my bestie! (Names omitted for privacy so you can share!) Wow I don’t know if it’s this challenge or just the last good talk we had about respecting each other. (Probably both.) I think my husband is an imposter. He’s the husband I knew I deserved and needed. We had a nice evening last night. When I was ready for bed He agreed to come too (instead of staying in the basement getting wasted) We had a good cry over our recently deceased dog when he initiated a conversation about missing her and then 30 min later he’s ripping my clothes off and talking dirty to me. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 Please keep listening and learning and you’ll end up with the perfect marriage for you!
  • Landky01
    Much more confidence and understanding
    Hello, I heard Vanessa on another podcast awhile back, and loved it! So I searched for pillow talks and began listening. I’ve been married for 22 years and am rather introverted. My husband is the complete opposite. I was raised with conservative parents who didn’t openly talk about sex or relationships, so I was pretty closed off and embarrassed around the topic and doing it. After listening to many episodes, I’ve been able to be more expressive and vulnerable with my husband. I’ve always loved being intimate with him, but shy at the same time. Things are beginning to change and we both notice and LOVE it! Thank you both for the funny, honest, and raw conversations you have shared with us all weekly. It has really really helped me open up!
  • Craftgawker for life!
    I stumbled onto this podcast after hearing Vanessa speak on another podcast. I was intrigued listening to Vanessa talk about sex and relationships. I finally felt seen and validated in many different ways and she helped me put words into why i was feeling a certain way about sex for so long. My husband and I have been together for 7 years, and the past 2 years has been spent having 2 children and trying to muster up any sort of sex life while desperately trying not to become roommates or ships in the night. I appreciate how candid and open Vanessa and Xander are on all topics related to sex; sex is very hard to talk about with the person you love the most, and why is that? This podcast helped me break down walls with my husband and facilitate many open and honest conversations about sex and what aspects of emotional intimacy each of us needs. My husband actually told me thank you for bringing all of this up in such a tactical way; he was reluctant to say anything about our sex life and probably never would have. We are in a much better place and now sex is back on the table; and the couch and the bed😅(once the kids go to sleep). Thank you for talking about sex and relationships and helping my husband and i reconnect 🔥
  • emmyfol
    Worth every listen
    Heard Vanessa on the GGE podcast and had to find more of her immediately. I have listened to every episode and now look forward to a new episode each week. Additionally, I have purchased several courses and think that they are a great value. I’ve learned so much about my self and finally been able to drop some of the shame that I have around sex, sex drive, my desires, and asking for what I need. I recommend to anyone looking for some positive change in this realm. These two are killing it!
  • jeauxsifeen
    Great podcast
    Worth it. Just listen!
  • lhenry79
    Worth listening!
    I don’t remember how I found the podcast but I am glad I did! I fall into the group that did not grow up with a great sex orientation at school or at home so there are lots of things that I always wondered and never had anyone to ask/ talk to. This is a great podcast for everyone that wants to have a better relationship with themselves and their partners! Thank you both for providing great info! I am yet to try one of the courses but I am sure I will in the near future.
  • djarnold74
    Great podcast!
    I stumbled across this podcast and it very informative and light hearted discussing this topic. Xander is hilarious, I can relate to most of his answers. Now if I could get my wife to listen it would be so much better but she doesn’t want to talk about this subject ever. I will keep listening.
  • Cdcjenkins
    Love, Love, Love!
    This podcast is one of my favorites! I look forward to it every week. I have learned so much and it has helped my marriage in that we both are learning to be more comfortable talking about what we need and want out of our sex life.
  • Hlokitt
    Total Game Changer!
    I discovered Vanessa while listening to her interview series on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast. I immediately looked for the book, found them on Instagram and started binging the podcast. I would bring random things up to my husband which peaked his interest and he is now on the Vanessa and Xander bandwagon! You have helped open the intimacy dialogue and our sex life is better than ever! Thanks for all you do! It truely is the Lords work!
  • 113Awesomeness123
    The podcast I didn’t know I needed
    I discovered Pillow Talks through another podcast and have never looked back. I’ve listened to all the recent ones, have went back to listen to past ones, and have now got my husband to listen with me. As we listen to podcasts together they have helped initiate so many conversations that we’ve had and has made our relationship so much stronger. 😍❤️💪 Whether it’s a fun would you rather podcast or conversations on mental load the episodes seem timely and help us broach complicated topics in a calm and manageable way. 🙌 So important and helpful!
  • lwhite1209
    Total Game Changer!
    I first heard about Vanessa and Xander when they appeared on a different podcast, which led me to their Instagram page and Pillow Talks. Aside from being hilarious and entertaining, their content is educational and thought-provoking! Between growing up in purity culture (that episode is AWESOME), my husband being an active duty military member, having 4 children, and experiencing the loss of our child, our sex life has faced many challenges over the years and we could never keep it in a place we were happy with for long. Vanessa and Xander’s podcast has sparked so many fantastic (and sexy😉) conversations between me and my husband and we just started the sex challenge. I cannot recommend this podcast and the sex challenge enough! Our sex life is better than it’s been in years and we are enjoying each other in new and creative ways. It truly is the sex education I wish I had growing up! Keep up the great work, Vanessa and Xander! You are impacting so many peoples’ lives and relationships for the better. I wish I found you guys years ago.
  • Ari Kay Kay
    Life Changing!
    Pillow Talks is a life changing podcast! I was introduced to it by our couple’s therapist when I was struggling with my sexuality and intimacy in my long-term relationship. I’ve learned to be more comfortable with myself and it has transformed my sex life. My relationship with my partner has never been better and I have never felt so connected to him. I believe everyone could benefit from this podcast. Another benefit is that they are so funny and fun to listen to! Despite the difficult topics they still make it a light and engaging listen. Thank you Vanesa and Xander for changing my life! 🥰🙏🏼🍀💰🪅
  • dougb628
    Almost Perfect in so many ways!
    Pillow Talks is an amazing podcast with two amazing hosts who tell it like it is. Their desire to help others navigate the dangerous waters of sexual intimacy and relationships is palpable - you can feel it! Their authenticity is unquestionable- they acknowledge they don’t know all the answers all the time. Multiple times they have done an episode on a topic they thought few would be interested in, only to have those episodes be their most popular ones by far. I said “almost perfect” because Vanessa & Xander aren’t striving to make the perfect podcast, they want to make the best podcast. The podcast that helps the most people. And they know that sometimes that means being real, authentic, and even downright goofy. My only regret is that I can’t absorb this information any faster - I already listen at 1.75x, and I can’t get enough fast enough! I’m like 80+ episodes in and I think it is the 👉🏻👌🏻best, without a 🤷🏻‍♂️!
  • Jesssain
    The podcast I needed when I needed it
    I’ve been listening to this podcast and following on Instagram for about a year now. Every week seems to touch on something going on in my own relationship. I’ve taken all the advice and applied it to transform the communication and sex in my relationship. We’ve never been so emotionally and physically intimate. Also… those foreplay guides 😋🍆🌹🥰
  • KaeJay777
    Slump smasher!
    After 4+ years of pregnancy, raising babies and toddlers we struggled in our relationship to connect as a couple. We were good at parenting together but when it came to a relationship we didn’t have it in us. The podcast opened up a conversation and we figured out we were feeling the same thing. Even starting the conversation made a huge difference! I no longer felt like it was just my fault I wasn’t wanting to be intimate. Vanessa and Xander helped us feel normal and open to work on our relationship. I loved the parent specific episodes as they are so relatable. They also talk about things nobody else will! So reassuring. Thank you V&X for saving us from a 4 year slump!!
  • Bassoonchic777
    Happy wife happy life
    I came across your podcast after you were guests on someone else’s. I became an immediate loyal follower and even ordered some guides. Being a methodical learner, having step by step guides was the info I needed! Initial penetration has always been painful for me - even after a decade with same partner and ample drugstore lube. I took your lube recommendation and for the first time ever had a truly welcoming experience. Thank you for bringing your expertise to the public and sharing in such a lighthearted way. This truly is the sex education I never had, but had needed all along. 🗿😰💧🥰🍑
  • piccmh123
    Love this!
    Great podcast covering great topics, useful tips, and it’s fun a lot of the time too! 😉
  • AdrienneBTN
    I’m Conflicted
    On one hand, I’m a big Vanessa and Xander fan. I really like their personalities and they feel like friends. I think they give a lot of good advice, but it’s mostly RELATIONSHIP advice RELATED to sex, not exactly sex talk. For instance, explicit language is almost never used because they never seem to get into the nitty gritty of sex. It’s more about communicating with your partner. ALSO, a HUGE cringe for me is that their podcast tends to have an informercial quality and it’s soooo frustrating. WE GET IT. You want to make money off of your (VERY expensive) online courses (the cost blew me away) and your book. The last episode they spent almost 10 minutes of their show plugging their courses. Guys, please stop. There has got to be another way for you to make income other than constantly plugging your products for looooong portions of your episodes. It makes you come off as greedy. Esp because a lot of us follow you on instagram and can see you have a very nice home. Maybe you could work on growing your sponsors? Get a patreon? No other podcast I listen to tries to get money from listeners like you guys. It feels bad and like you’re squeezing us. Seriously, you should take an Instagram poll and ask us if you push your products on us too hard and if you spend way too much time talking about things we should buy. Guarantee most of your listeners are thinking yes.
  • leigh899
    My own personal sex therapists
    Thanks Xander and Vanessa for being there to talk through everything we are thinking but don’t know how to say! I had to pause the lastest ep. about boring sex to write this. My husband and I have been going back and forth about how to spice up our sex life. After being married earlier this year, and knowing we aren’t having kids we feel the pressure to keep things interesting and new- because what’s our excuse not to? But that has been putting a lot of pressure on me( the less horned up partner). But guess what. There’s an ep for that! Haha listening to the mismatched sex drive ep and many others has given me confidence to talk more openly about our sex life… and to unleash my inner freak a bit more;) don’t wait, just listen and improve your sex today!
  • vickyv1515
    Not just for me but for my boyfriend too!
    I started listening to the podcast about six months ago when I could feel that my boyfriend and I were becoming more like roommates than actual partners. These episodes have given me tons of helpful information from conversations association starters to ideas for the bedroom and actually share this podcast with my boyfriend, and we started listening and then comparing thought after we both have listen. It has been a great help! And both Xander and Vanessa are a joy to listen to.
  • SammieInga
    Relatable, Real, and Reliable
    This podcast takes a tricky subject and makes it a conversation that everyone gets to be a part of. For me, it’s really helped take any shame or stigma out of sex and it’s helped normalize issues with a partner while giving tips and tools that really increase the health of the overall relationship. I appreciate the safe space this pod creates and how you never feel alone, you actually feel supported in your desire to deepen intimacy.
  • ChadWSU
    Having people who don’t have kids teach me about how to handle life with kids always makes me chuckle
  • MG19xx
    Love the show
    My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and we have definitely hit our dry spells throughout that time, partly due to him at points, then partly due to me at others. After hearing Vanessa on the podcast we can do hard things, I had to try and find her podcast to see what other great advice she had to offer. When I was able to find it and start listing, one of the first podcasts that came up related completely to my situation. I listened to the podcast and found out I’m not alone, but more importantly found out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my husband and I being in 2 different places when it comes to sex, but that keeping up the communication about it was key and not judging each other due to us being in 2 different places on the subject.
  • Jungle momma
    Helping to stop the internal monologue 🛑
    I am my own worst enemy when it comes to overthinking, inventing crazy scenarios, and not taking the initiative when I should have. 🤦‍♀️😩🥴The advice and information shared by Vanessa and Xander has brought on many “aha” moments and different points of views. 🤯Lately, I find myself stopping my mind spiral of thoughts (which are hardly ever correct but I just can’t help myself🫣🤷‍♀️😬) to have a logical scenario for the current situation. More often then not when we get to talking about it there’s a logical explanation for how it went down, or why something didn’t happen. 😊❤️ I attribute this new approach to both of your advice and points of view🙏😍. Thank you for giving me a new look on life, and helping me to approach my partner with more understanding and less internal crazy stories. 🤩🥳🤗👏🫶
  • PlentyOPeaches
    Would have given a higher rating except…
    I would have given them a higher rating, but I feel that they both (Vanessa in particular) can be a little self-righteous. Most of the advice they give is great and I think very helpful! However, there have been a couple of occasions where they are just flat wrong (like so much in the squirting episode is dead wrong. Just look at the national institute of health studies on the subject or what a skenes glad actually is and how much fluid it can hold…and I must say, even if the fluid is coming from the bladder it doesn’t EVER mean a woman should be shamed for this as it is involuntary) or saying things that come off as a bit judgmental or pearl-clutchy. I don’t often message them on their social media apps, and I’ve only given constructive criticism a couple times (and I must emphasize CONSTRUCTIVE because I always tried to be polite) and they wound up restricting me on Instagram (like I’m not smart enough to realize I’ve been restricted). They are all fine and dandy if you are stroking their ego, but as soon as you disagree with them or point out when they are wrong they get very passive aggressive. A lot of counter-transference…Vanessa as therapist should know what that means.
  • Mlw1017
    Nothing compares!
    While my wife and I have hit a few snags in our relationship, this podcast has consistently helped to make both of us feel validated in our feelings and provide great advice for overcoming some of these challenges. Vanessa and Xander have the best chemistry that really helps drive home their points. I look forward to going back and listening to some of the episodes I’ve missed and every new episode! 😬
  • aly seaman
    One of my favorite podcasts!
    This podcast has been so helpful for my sex life with my husband! We have both started listening and it’s helped up communicate better about the things we struggle with in our sex life! I found Vanessa and Xander on instagram a few months ago and have been listening ever since. Thank you both for being so candid and relatable!
  • Ss Pauly walnuts
    Great show
    Great insight with interesting perspectives. Highly recommend for new ideas.
  • Mahi Luna
    I can’t believe I have waited this long to write a review! I have followed Venessa and Xander for a couple of years, have listened to many if their podcasts, got a few of their courses and listened to their book (borrowed from local library). Thank you for being so real, so vulnerable and such a fun couple to listen to. It feels like I’m listening to my expert friends more than anything else👏🏼🙏🏼 I have even had my husband listen to a few episodes during out longer drives. I don’t think at thus point I can stump Xander with any emojis so I didn’t use any😣
  • AlisonB.
    Better (and wetter 😜)
    My entire life I’ve had great sexual relationships with my partners, but unfortunately everything else lacked. Thankfully my current partner has given me a new perspective on love, and we are thriving.. well in every aspect but the bedroom. Vanessa and Xander have made every conversation regarding foreplay, sex, and everything in the mix so much easier. I never thought I would have to try and mesh two very different bedroom languages together but here we are and I really couldn’t imagine trying to bring this stuff up without their help, we listen together and offer opinions on each side, my partner has gone from chill, and close minded to open and understanding my perspective (and mine to his) I will forever be thankful for this podcast helping a very important aspect of my life get better (and wetter 🤤) seriously every week there’s a new episode on something that I’ve been trying to bring up myself! So thank you thank you!
  • __souf
    The best podcast
    This podcast and your courses have given my husband and I such a fun sex life. Also, the conversations that have come up from topics discussed here have made us feel so much closer. Even when we thought we had good communication and sex, we’ve learned so many new things that have made it even better! So happy I found this podcast (through the We Can do Hard Things podcast)!
  • GirlReawakened!!
    Completely Revitalized Our Dead Bedroom
    After having my third child, I found myself in a dead bedroom situation because I was so touched out from my kids and just overwhelmed with the everyday minutia of responsibilities. I had completely lost my libido. But one day when I was driving, I happened to listen to a podcast where Vanessa and Xander were guest starring on. I was intrigued by some of the information she shared and looked them on social media. I found their material hilarious and informative and immediately subscribed to their podcasts. Slowly as I made my way through their backlog and finally getting on anxiety medicine, I found my interest in sex slowly returning. 💪🏻👍🏻👩‍❤️‍👨🍆🍐🎉 The bristle reaction that I had been experiencing started disappearing when I began to initiate. Now a year later, we have been working on bringing our sex life back to what it used to be and my husband and I listen to the podcast together. Thank you so much! You’ve really helped save our marriage!! And we love all the outrageous sex gone wrong stories shared on Instagram! 😂
  • Jen LN
    Hanging out with friends!
    Thank you for this podcast! I recently found it and have been catching up fast. It always feels like I’m part of the conversation bc you make each episode so fun and light while educating us on the topic. (Hearing the embarrassing stories make my day!) I’ve sent different episodes to different friends because you’re so down to earth. Can’t wait to keep listening.
  • cassidyfrei
    One of my absolute favorites
    Vanessa and Xander are truly changing lives with this podcast. As a therapist myself I’m always recommending episodes (and their book) to clients. Also have to share that my partner and I recently did their connection challenge and we are both loving it so much. We are busy parents and it’s been so worth it.
  • Aaaaaaaaaaaaalolo
    IBS Queen speaking up
    Hi guys. I’ve loved your podcast since I found in last year. So helpful and insightful while keeping things lighthearted and comical. However, for the first time I found myself not relating to Vanessa at all. Here I am writing my first review and what ~pushed~ me to? The fart talk haha. My girlfriends and I are completely open about bodily functions, fart around each other, and yes have even sent photos of really impressive bowel movements. Nothing is off limits. Clearly we are living on two ends of the extreme here. Anywho, great episode this week. I laughed out loud a lot which may have lead to a fart or two slipping out.. With love, A Hot IBS Queen 💁🏻‍♀️
  • grimesreaper
    Amazing for listeners at all levels.
    I grew up in a family that never talked about sex, even in age appropriate contexts, so I’ve struggled a lot to learn on my own for the last 29 years of my life lol. I thought I was very enlightened because I overcame my upbringing of ignorance, but I feel this podcast is shedding new light to so many aspects I wasn’t aware of! There’s so much I’ve learned in the last few months listening, and even for episodes that don’t exactly match up with my experiences, I feel Vanessa and Xander also help me to see new perspectives I hadn’t considered. So whether you’re just starting your journey of discovery, or you’re the master of your dungeon, I feel we all have something to gain by listening to Pillow Talks!
  • ahkwjx
    Sex Ed
    Fellow Maggie pug owner. But This really is the “ sex education “ I wish I would have had.🤩🫣🫢😬😩😳🙈😰🆘
  • Cheymeyers cccccc
    Married for a year and changed the game!
    My husband of right at a year found your podcast months ago and recommended I checked it out as I spend a lot of time in my car for work. I have always struggled with our bedroom time. I put being tired first, new ideas scare me, and just never have had a big sex drive unlike my husband. After listening to several episodes, I’m excited to give new life to the bedroom. Thank you for helping me not feel crazy in my feelings of the bedroom!
  • MVas90
    My new favorite podcast!
    You guys, 🏄🏼‍♂️👩🏽‍⚕️I can't say enough good things about this podcast! 🎙️I've been married for almost 2 years now, 👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏼and you've helped to encourage us to have the healthiest sex life possible! I often use the things I learn on your podcast to spark sexy conversation between my husband and I, and of course your suggestions regularly make their way into our bedroom ( and living room, and bathroom! 😜 ) Your suggestion about trying minor adjustments and grinding during missionary has completely transformed that position for us. We hardly ever used to use it, and now it's become a favorite! 😍 🍆 💦 🍈🍈 And we completely agree that talking about sex is sexy! Thanks for addressing the topics we all really want to know, and for making it so fun and engaging. I've definitely learned more about sex from you both in a short amount of time than I've learned in my entire life everywhere else! Keep up the amazing work! 🫶 (X here's some random emojis for you!🎍🫎🫓🫗🫚🕋🦪🤺)
  • caibou lover
    Such a great podcast
    As a therapist, I am very happy to here you guys talk so openly about sexual health. I love how diverse and culturally orientated you are. Not every couple is a heterosexual couple and your awareness of this and how open and accepting you are speaks volumes to the quality of podcast this is. Please keep up your great work. It is truly amazing the work your doing.
  • Kellythomas1022
    I started listening to this podcast several months ago and it has taught me SO much! My husband has said on many accounts, “thank you to that podcast you listen to” it has helped me become more adventurous and also very understanding! KEEP IT UP! ❤️❤️❤️
  • Ash113086
    Love love love
    Such a good podcast! I learn a lot and I laugh a lot! Definitely a top podcast in my book! 10/10 would recommend!!🙌🏽
  • Excited to be alive!
    Thank you!
    I just got one of your courses thank you for sharing! I am so excited! I had the best conversation with my partner and he’s so excited to start the course with me! You guys are amazing!
  • ZoëKen
    SO good! Im always sending episodes to my boyfriend, it makes getting the conversation started so much easier
  • RosieeeLo
    Immature and Juvenile
    The giggling and laughing from Vanessa is absolutely intolerable. Are you actually a professional? Get it together! It is every 20 seconds and over the dumbest things. No one thinks your “merch” ideas are funny. They go off on the most boring tangents as if there is no audience on the other end. One other criticism, Instagram polls are not scientific and accurate and that is basically the only thing they lean on. I thought there was potential here based on good topics and willingness to talk about them but unfortunately execution is bad.
  • Woobear92
    Go from 😳 to 😎 in the bedroom!
    I listen to every episode of the podcast, follow on IG, have some guides, and have read their book “sex talks” and I love every single one! 😍 Before finding V & X, my husband and I rarely talked about sex and I never had an orgasm. 🫣 But now we regularly talk about sex and every time I want an orgasm 😮, I get one! 🙌 🎉 Our sex life was good before but now it’s 🤯🔥! Vanessa and Xander also give brilliant relationship advice so it will take your relationship to the next level, not just your sex life! 🤩🥳
  • BrownLady98
    This couple make sex topics a relatable, digestible and safe place 🙌🏽 They are knowledgeable, funny and kind people- they deserve all the support for putting out content with the goal of helping people develop their intimacy skills. Y’all rock🫶🏽
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