As Long As I'm Living

We're long-distance friends and bereaved moms who lost sons to SIDS in 2021. Each Monday, we chat life after infant loss. Raw episodes with lots of tears, hopeful episodes on the good days, episodes to help those supporting a griever, and interviews with loss parents and other experts in grief and trauma.::We started our podcast to document our journeys toward Happier Ever After and hope to provide support and connection for those who have lost a child to SIDS, stillbirth, TFMR, miscarriage, or any other type of baby loss. We’re sorry you need us, but we’re so glad you’re here!

Recent Episodes
  • A Tough Pill to Swallow, a conversation about using psychiatric medication after traumatic loss
    Jun 9, 2025 – 00:45:47
  • The Rules to Your Own Game, an interview about boundaries with "chaos coach" Jennifer Ventling
    Jun 2, 2025 – 00:55:59
  • A Birth Day and a Death Anniversary
    May 26, 2025 – 00:33:08
  • Happy To Be Here, an Alive Baby Birth Story
    May 19, 2025 – 00:39:22
  • Loving the Gone, an interview with poet and griever Sara Rian
    May 12, 2025 – 00:56:22
  • Another Mother's Day
    May 9, 2025 – 00:17:43
  • Alive Baby!
    Mar 10, 2025 – 00:02:54
  • Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
    Mar 3, 2025 – 00:41:20
  • Leap of Faith
    Feb 24, 2025 – 00:21:37
  • 'Til Death Do Us Part (2), another interview about relationships after baby loss with Dr. Denise Mandel
    Feb 17, 2025 – 00:27:53
  • 'Til Death Do Us Part (1), an interview about relationships after baby loss with Dr. Denise Mandel
    Feb 10, 2025 – 00:34:02
  • Take It or Leave It (Advice for Loss Parents)
    Feb 3, 2025 – 00:31:01
  • Write to Grieve, part 2 of our interview with bereaved aunt Rochel
    Jan 27, 2025 – 00:44:02
  • Love... Continued, an interview about creating new memories with our lost loved ones with bereaved aunt Rochel
    Jan 20, 2025 – 00:29:19
  • Congratulations, and I'm Sorry (A Pregnancy After Loss Meltdown)
    Jan 13, 2025 – 00:30:47
  • Measuring Time in Love and Loss
    Jan 6, 2025 – 00:20:52
  • 2025: Can We Get a B+ Year?
    Dec 30, 2024 – 00:49:26
  • Where are YOU Now? (3 Years of ALAIL)
    Dec 23, 2024 – 00:22:46
  • 50 Shades of Gray Hair, an interview about grief-accelerated aging with dermatologist Dr. Lawrence Green
    Dec 16, 2024 – 00:49:20
  • Invisible String
    Dec 9, 2024 – 00:32:18
  • We Need a Minute
    Nov 11, 2024 – 00:07:10
  • Where Are We Now? (3 Years of ALAIL)
    Nov 4, 2024 – 00:40:54
  • Live with the Sad Dads Club (Insta Live Replay)
    Oct 28, 2024 – 00:52:11
  • Abortion Access for All (A Rant Before the US Election)
    Oct 21, 2024 – 00:37:16
  • Life Update: Something To Lose
    Oct 14, 2024 – 00:37:50
  • The Circle of Loss, an interview about paying grief support forward with Marnina, Michal's Mom
    Oct 7, 2024 – 00:50:42
  • Already a Mom
    Sep 30, 2024 – 00:33:31
  • Bumpy Start, an Alive Baby NICU Story
    Sep 23, 2024 – 00:38:14
  • Quinn is 4... and a big brother!
    Sep 16, 2024 – 00:31:43
  • Shoulders to Cry On, an interview about infant loss support groups with Dr. Denise Mandel
    Sep 9, 2024 – 00:43:51
  • Live Again from DC (Insta Live Replay)
    Sep 2, 2024 – 00:32:20
  • Into the Lion's Den
    Aug 26, 2024 – 00:36:09
  • When Your Pregnancy is Killing You, an interview about TFMR with Emily, Maliyah's Mom
    Aug 19, 2024 – 00:42:34
  • Maliyah's Story, as told by her mom, Emily
    Aug 19, 2024 – 00:46:10
  • One in a Million
    Aug 12, 2024 – 00:21:17
  • A Tale of Two Sisters: The New Beginning, our final interview about shifting relationships after loss with Judith's Sister Ilana (3/3)
    Aug 5, 2024 – 00:25:08
  • A Tale of Two Sisters: The Messy Middle, another interview about shifting relationships after loss with Judith's Sister Ilana (2/3)
    Jul 29, 2024 – 00:37:11
  • A Tale of Two Sisters: The Long Goodbye, an interview about shifting relationships after loss with Judith's Sister Ilana (1/3)
    Jul 22, 2024 – 00:33:03
  • With a Little Help From My (Baby's) Friends
    Jul 15, 2024 – 00:20:50
  • I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
    Jul 8, 2024 – 00:35:46
  • Blessed Are They That Mourn, an interview about hospital chaplaincy with Presbyterian Minister Marcie Brozyna, Rumi's Mom
    Jul 1, 2024 – 00:46:28
  • Death is Life-Threatening
    Jun 24, 2024 – 00:35:19
  • Life Update: Alina's Infertility Era and Judith on Parenting After Loss
    Jun 17, 2024 – 00:25:21
  • A Father's Grief Journey, a very special Father's Day interview with Aiden's Dad
    Jun 10, 2024 – 00:46:36
  • Time Heals All Wounds
    Jun 3, 2024 – 00:28:49
  • Long Story Short, I Survived
    May 27, 2024 – 00:43:22
  • Judith is Pregnant, Alina is Not
    May 20, 2024 – 00:22:56
  • I Think About You All the Time
    May 13, 2024 – 00:25:22
  • We're Baaaaack!
    May 6, 2024 – 00:41:27
  • Hello, Goodbye
    Mar 11, 2024 – 00:23:10
Recent Reviews
  • Brittclara
    Wish I found this sooner
    I just listened to first episode. I read from that book at Sterling’s funeral and I read it as a child and to my older children. I love this book and it makes me cry even before loss it hit me in my heart.
  • Ffbdvkutdchj
    Helpful to expand emotional intelligence for everyone
    This podcast is so enlightening and informative. Judith, Alina, Aidan, Quinn and all of the guests that have come into this space of grief all have had an important message and an impact. While I haven’t been touched by infant loss personally, understanding what it’s like to walk through grief has made me a better friend.
  • alyssaswiftlarich
    Like chatting w a friend
    Listening to this podcast is such a unique experience, it’s like chatting with your friend about the inner workings of your own grief filled brain, and they actually understand. Which if you know grief, that is so far from normal. Alina & Judith open up parts of their lives that are so relatable as a loss mom. And so eye opening to those who haven’t experienced loss. I’m so glad (and sad) I’ve found this corner of the internet that has nurtured me through the hardest experience of my life.
  • RCDalton
    Love this podcast
    I lost my infant son unexpectedly this past January and have really been struggling with his loss in so many ways. I recently found this podcast and am so glad I did, every single episode hits home. I’ve laughed, cried, and felt so seen by the hosts while listening. It’s such a comfort to listen to them and feel less alone.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork on this page are property of the podcast owner, and not endorsed by UP.audio.